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When it rains, It pours.   
12:14am 02/09/2003
 
mood: lonely
This is the first, and probably not the last, time that so many things I value have gone down the drain.

First my truck gets broken into, damages include: the shattered passenger-side window, 2 10" subwoofers which were being borrowed from a friend, my cd deck which I had to fix, and 20-something CD's. With the broken windshield I'm afraid to park it downtown where I work cause someone could easily take more.

Second the damn thing breaks down while my girlfriend was driving it to pick me up from work,(note: which I was much grateful for but didn't say so.) So we get it pushed to a safe spot by Riverfront park, and wait for her parents to tow it to their house so that her dad can check it out. $150.00+ later in parts we're sure we needed, the blasted thing still won't work :(

Third since my truck is broken that makes it so Jess goes out of her way to get me to work in her car, (which I still didn't thank her for, which I meant to do but forgot once she dropped me off). This went on for a few weeks, during which I still forgot to thank her, and she kept having to take more of her college money out of the bank and put it into her gas tank, because I didn't have money because I wasted it on stupid crap that I didn't really need. She also bought me a new comforter set, a waterbed bladder, liner, and new pillows (still no thank you's from the idiot typing).

Next I Pissed her off so much that she dumps me. I know it's my fault and am not going to put all the details in here.

Fifth she's still taking me to work after she dumps me, which hurt but was nonetheless soothing to be around her. Then came the journal entry in which I was notified how pissed off she was about the non-thanks from me.

Sixth there was the trip. Jess, Angie, and Kim went to the other side of the state, which I thought was a good idea and talked Karl into wanting to go (even though we both had a serious lack of fundage), again I was wanting to be able to spend some time with Jess cause she's all I can think about. All I got out of the trip: was a worried family, less money than I should have had, five people mad at me for being so depressed, and the guilt that I dragged Karl away from Ali, and caused him to not have enough to pay off all of his bills (the only good thing about it was getting out of Spokane).

This part was definitely my fault as a bad following of impulse. The night after we all get back from Seattle, Jess calls me to talk about things and eventually she starts crying, my impulse says go over there and give her a hug or talk to her in person, my impulse didn't tell me to ask her if she wanted me to come over, so I switched cell phones and rode my bike over to her dorm, to suprise her. Well, I didn't tell her I was going over there, and when I got there I did my "knock" thing to tell her where I was. My being there scared her, she was afraid of what I might do. All I wanted to do was see her face and offer a shoulder to cry on. While I was waiting for her to let me in, Karl calls her and she tells him to come over as protection apparently. While I was there I didn't even say anything, didn't offer a hug, nothing, just sat on the corner of her bed and looked at her. After Karl left I saw her start to look scared, but I couldn't force myself to leave her side, until after a major struggle on my part I got up crying at the fact that I scared her, and said the one thing that has always been a sub-concious last resort, "I guess I might as well go kill myself!"

Now, tonight I read her revision of the 500 ? survey and read what she thinks of when she hears my name. Also I've spent a full week without even seeing my friends, it feels like I'm grounded.
 
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500 question survey.   
02:23am 10/06/2003
  500 ? rlsCollapse )  
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The Quiz   
10:28pm 02/06/2003
  Today I wrote the Me Quiz to check on how well people know me...
Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!
 
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the one entry to rule them all   
08:05pm 28/05/2003
  I want to get struck by lightning. That'd be fun.

Turkey grows on trees, with chickens and other foul creatures.
 
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